Monday, October 18, 2010

I Love Wedding Planning, But...

Some of this is starting to get a little long in the tooth. 

The inappropriate questions:
"So...when are you going to start having kids?"  Or "Do you think you're going to get pregnant on the honeymoon?"  Or "Did you get special lingerie for the wedding night?"  Why.  Why is that any of your business?  My stock answer from now on when people ask about when we're planning to have kids is, "Whenever you, and everyone else, stop asking me."  What is it about planning a wedding that suddenly makes it acceptable to discuss someone's sex life?  Or family planning?  I find it so unbelievably creepy.  And rude.  So if this is you....stop it.  You're pissing me off.

The stupid questions:
"Are you excited?"  No.  I am completely ambivalent about marrying the man with whom I am completely head over heels in love.  I could not care less.  I mean, c'mon, what kind of question is that?  Do I really need to answer?  Do you really need me to jump up and down?  Of course I'm excited.  But I am a human being, and I have other emotions, and other things going on in my life that may also be effecting my mood at the moment.  I am not a wedding machine.  Just know that I am thrilled.  And stop asking.  Dummy.

Equally as stupid:
"Are you ready?"  Nope.  10 months have gone by and I haven't done a damn thing.  None of this wedding is planned.  It's going to be one big chaotic nightmare.  Hello?!  Do you know me at all?  I was born ready for this day.  I am organized, prepared for [almost] anything, and ready to marry the love of my life.  Am I ready...psh!

The "I'm-going-to-smack-you-in-the-face" statements:
"Dude, I'm gonna get so hammered at your wedding!"  Or "You thought I was bad at so-and-so's wedding?  That's nothing compared to yours!"  Seriously.  I wish that I had the right, as the bride, to kick people out who get obnoxiously drunk and make Matt and I look like assholes because they can't control themselves (family or not).  You are not 21.  It is no longer "funny" to get wasted and drop your pants and hump the cake table.  And it is especially not funny to "warn" me about it.  Don't be stupid.  Don't piss off the bride.  It won't be pretty. 

The "What-are-you-gonna-do-about-it" questions:
"So, what all do you have left to do?"  Why?  Are you gonna help me with it?  No.  You're not.  Go away.

The "I-shouldn't-be-annoyed-but-I-am" questions:
"What does your dress look like?"  I don't know why this bothers me.  Maybe because I like having that as my little secret.  It's my wedding dress, you know?  If you're invited to the wedding, you'll see it then.  If you're not, I'm sure you'll see pictures.  I want to keep this one close to the chest, though.  Maybe it's because I'm not really sure how to describe my dress.  It's not a typical "bridal" gown.  I really have a hard time describing it that doesn't make it sound weird.  So I'd rather not try.  Cool?  What also annoys me?  When I tell you you have to wait until the wedding day to see my dress, and for the next 9 months I hear, "Well, since you won't tell me about your dress..."  Like I'm breaking some sort of law by not telling you.  It's my choice and my right.  Don't try to make me feel guilty about it. 

Honestly, though, this makes me sound totally miserable.  But really, I have loved, loved, loved planning our wedding.  I've had so much fun.  I've really enjoyed seeing how involved Matt has gotten.  I've had a great time making plans with my mom.  Sharing things with my girls.  Dance lessons with my dad.  Meeting with our amazing vendors.  Putting together a vision in my head that will hopefully translate well to the real world.  But I'm ready to stop getting all these stupid questions/statements.  I'm ready for the day to be here.  I want it to be 8am on the morning of Saturday 10/23, and I'm waking up on the morning of my wedding.  I'm ready.  I need the next 5 days to hurry up!

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