30 Days of Truth - Day 22

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

(source)

I wish I hadn't wasted all my money in Pittsburgh.  When it came time to getting my student loans for grad school, I took the full amount they offered.  Way over what was necessary to pay my tuition.  I used the remainder of the money to pay my rent, and then any extra money I made at my part-time job, I spent frivolously.  So when my classes were done and it was time to decide what to do after graduation, I was forced to face reality - I was broke.  I had spent and charged myself into a big hole.  A hole that was only going to get bigger once the grace period for paying back my loans was over - $31,000 bigger.  YIKES.  I had to go back home and live with my parents.  I really didn't want to do it.  I was in love with Pittsburgh and my life there.  I had made 2 amazing friends and I really wasn't ready to leave them.  But I had to do it.  Without the "income" from the loans and now having to pay back the loans, there was no way I could afford to stay.  So I moved back to Hershey and left the life I had created in Pittsburgh. 

Pittsburgh was the first time I really made a life of my own.  I went there by myself, knowing no one.  I had no friends, no family - no safety net whatsoever.  Not only did I overcome that fear of being totally on my own, but I also faced and dealt with my PTSD.  I was so proud of my life in Pittsburgh.  And I hated having to leave it.  So that's what I wish I hadn't done - wasted my money and forced myself to give up that life.

I Wish I Had...

Don't get me wrong.  Our wedding day was fantastic.  Best day of my life thus far.  It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty freaking close.  There are just a few things I wish I had done/said/fought for that, looking back now, certainly doesn't make or break the day or the memories, but still...

First up.  Music selections.  I really wish that I had pushed a little bit harder to be able to just use an iPod or something for the ceremony.  We hired the organist from the church, and he did a great job, but classical organ music is not very "us."  I would've chosen things like Joshua Radin's "They Bring Me to You" to walk down the aisle to.  And Jason Mraz's "Lucky" for the recessional.  Stuff that fits our personalities a bit better.

Kind of along the same lines, I would've hired a videographer.  My step-dad recorded the entire ceremony and most of our first dance, plus a few other random moments.  And I'm absolutely thrilled that we have it.  But I would kill to see video of our wedding party entering the reception - everyone did their own thing and I have no idea what most of them did because we couldn't see them.  I also wish I had video of my dance with my father and of doing the special line dance with all my best girlfriends. 

I also would've asked David to save us a few slices of wedding cake.  And some of the hors d'oevres.  Matt and I were so busy taking pictures that we didn't get a single one of our cocktail foods...and I was looking forward to those the most!  I would have asked David to box something up for us. 

I wish I would've tried harder to convince Matt to do a first look.  Not only because of time issues (maybe then we could've had some of our cocktail food!) but also because I would have loved a few moments alone with him before the ceremony.  I think it would have calmed us both down a little. 

And I have admit, I'm a little disappointed in our photographers.  The pictures we got are great, and I love what we have, but I wish they would've capture more of the moments of the day.  There is only one photo of my dad walking me down the aisle, and only one photo of Matt and I walking back up the aisle, newly married.  There are no pictures of Matt's reaction to me coming down the aisle.  We dismissed our guests from the church, row by row, which would've been a great opportunity to get photos of our guests, but the photographers were nowhere to be found.  Same with during cocktail hour.  We had two photographers, and one was with us, so...where was the other one? 

But, even still, when all was said and done, it was a great day and a beautiful wedding and a super-fun reception.  But if I could go back and re-create it to be everything I wanted, I would change those things.