30 Days of Truth - Day 30

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Hello, lovies!  Ok, so I know I skipped yesterday, but I swar I have a good reason.  I was working all day and then went out for birthday drinks with some of my very dear friends.  Sure, I could've done it when I got home but - let's be honest - I didn't really feel like it.  Plus, since today's my actual birthday, I figured it's the perfect day to indulge in a little self-love fest?!  No, not that kind...get your minds out of the gutter!  Sickos.

(source)

Anyway.  Here goes my letter to me:

Dear Erin,

I just want you to know that I think you're pretty great.  I mean, sure you've got some flaws and a few things you need to work on, but overall?  You're pretty freakin rad.  That's right.  You just said "rad."  Random funny words are your specialty, and it makes me laugh.  Which means, it makes you laugh.  You're pretty good at laughing at yourself.  That's definitely a good thing.  You don't take yourself too seriously - if you're walking down the street and you trip and nearly fall and break your face, you get up, dust off, and crack up.  Which makes the strangers on the street who witnessed your fall and attempted to hold in their laughter feel way more comfortable with busting up right in your face.  Cuz you know it's what they wanted to do in the first place - laugh at you. 

You have a really good people-barometer, where you can suss out the mood of a room and adjust your behavior accordingly.  People quickly feel comfortable around you.  You're a hugger, but you can pretty easily read if someone isn't a hugger.  So you offer up a high five instead.  You love kids, but you're not one to randomly walk up to a kid and start petting it.  You understand boundaries, and - in this day and age - that's pretty awesome.

You have a mind like a sponge.  You have an uncanny ability to remember song lyrics, people's faces, and actors/actresses.  I mean, people actually call you to say "Remember that actress in that movie?  She's in that other movie.  What's her name again?"  And you get it!  You also remember random facts about things.  Like the difference between cachaca and rum.  And what someone was wearing the first time you met him/her. 

You like to learn new things and enjoy listening/reading the news.  You devour books. 

You have an enormous heart, and pour everything in it into your relationships.  You just want people to feel happy.  And good about themselves. 

And that's enough.  Tooting your own horn is not something you've ever been good at.  You're humble.  Usually.

Happy Birthday, Erin! 

30 Days of Truth - Day 29

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Do the size of my butt and gut count?  No?  Oh, alright, fine.  *stomps feet*

I need a better poker face.

(source)

No, not that kind of poker face.  I need to stop showing my emotions so easily.  Especially my disgust/annoyance/frustration.  Especially at work.  I roll my eyes.  I huff.  It's bad. 

Ok.  So every day, at 10am, I am forced to sit in discharge rounds with the nurses, nurse case managers, and residents to discuss every single patient on the floor.  The theory of these rounds is fantastic - to discuss every patient's current needs and to start their discharge planning.  On paper, it's a great idea.  In practice, however, they're a big freaking mess.  I won't go into specifics, but it gets really old.  Really quickly.  And that shows on my face.  And I know that people notice it.  And I don't like it.  I need to hide that better. 

But I do it in my personal life, too.  If something upsets me I noticeably react.  I used to be really good at just letting things roll off my back.  I don't know what changed or when it changed, but I am becoming very reactionary in my old age.  And I don't like it.  I need to hide that better, too. 

So that's what I hope to work on.  I need to harness my chi. 

30 Days of Truth - Day 28

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I admit it.  I've got the fever.

Yep.  I've got the baby fever.  I can't help but smile when I see a baby.  I might also stare a little.  It might appear to be a little creepy, even.  But I swear, it's just cuz my womb is screaming, "Hello!  It's time!"  But my logical side is still winning the war here.  Cuz though I've got baby fever, I know that we're not quite ready.  We still want to be just married for a little while.  We have traveling we want to do before babies arrive.  So our plan is to wait until next spring.  We're planning our trip to Italy for May, and after that it's time to get down to bid'ness. 

That doesn't really answer this question though, does it?  So if we got pregnant right now, we'd be a little shocked and [I'm supposed to be honest on this thing, right?] maybe a little disappointed, but we'd also be excited.  While our preference would be to wait a year or so, fate is a fickle thing, and if it decided to give us a baby earlier than we expected, well, ok then.  I've always said, "I'm a lover not a fighter" (in the immortal words of the King, Michael Jackson), and that definitely is the case when it comes to fate. 

30 Days of Truth - Day 27

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Our home.  Our home is a symbol of our relationship, our happiness, our hopes and dreams, and our plans for our future.  Our house is a save place.  It's a happy place.  It's where I can be myself.  It's where our love has taken root.  It is my favorite place to be. 

30 Days of Truth - Day 26

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

(source)

I have definitely had rough times.  But I never thought about suicide.  Not seriously, anyway.  I mean, be honest, doesn't everyone, at some point, think about their own mortality?  Think about their funeral?  That's what I thought about.  I thought about who would come, who would be sad, etc.  It was at a very lonely time in my life.  But I never actually developed a plan or pictured myself doing anything to hurt myself.  Like I said on Day 7 and on Day 25, I have too many people in my life who love me.

30 Days of Truth - Day 25

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

First off, let me apologize for not posting this yesterday.  We recently found out that the hospital will be "closely monitoring" our internet usage at work, so all non-essential web-surfing has to be curtailed.  And I didn't get a chance to post when I got home because I didn't get home till 1am.  Last night, I crossed something off my bucket list.  Matt and I went to see Sir Elton John in concert!  The man, the legend...it was awesome.  Although I do have to admit that I was a little disappointed.  I guess he just recently put out a new album with another music legend, Leon Russell.  And apparently, last night Leon was in the area so he came to perform with Elton.  Had I been expecting it, it would  have been super-awesome.  But I wasn't, and I didn't know any of the new songs, and they played an 8-song set from the new album.  Needless to say, I was almost asleep by the end of the set.  And it was hard for me to get back into the Elton stuff when Leon left the stage.  But, I did, and I still managed to have a great time at the show.  I mean, it's Elton...how can you not?

ANYway.  Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Just kidding.  Kind of.

I'm alive because I have people who love me and let me know every day, in some small way, that they prefer that I'm alive.  I've never been one who likes to let people down or disappoint people, so...Seriously, though, I'm alive today because I have an amazing family, incredible friends, and a wonderful husband.  All of whom make all the shitty days in my life worth getting through.  Because on the other side of those awful, stressful, getting-yelled-at-by-doctors-and-threatened-by-patients days are those people.  Their smiles, their laughter, their wine, and their hugs.  That's why I'm alive today. 

30 Days of Truth - Day 24

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I often make cds for my sister.  She listens mostly to pop radio, so she misses out on all the other awesome music from the indie world.  So every now and then I'll put together a cd for her and call it her "music education" mix.  I love doing it.  I have a huge obsession with music and with finding music that speaks to my soul.  And I like to share that with people.

So, on that note, here is the latest in the "music education" series for my sister:

1. Kiss With a Fist - Florence + the Machine
2. Meet Me on the Equinox - Death Cab for Cutie
3. Rumour Has It - Adele
4. Half of Something Else - Airborne Toxic Event
5. Firework - Glee cast
6. Let's Get Lost - Beck and Bat for Lashes
7. There Is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
8. I Belong To You - Muse
9. Possibility - Lykke Li
10. Run - Vampire Weekend
11. Rococo - Arcade Fire
12. Here Comes a Regular - The Replacements
13. Roll Away Your Stone - Mumford and Sons
14. Raise Your Glass - Glee cast

Cuz no good mix is complete with the Glee cast.  These are all songs that I am absolutely loving at the moment.  Especially "Let's Get Lost," by Beck and Bat for Lashes.



*Just to clarify, I am not a Twihard.  I don't even get those movies.  Edward and Bella are almost as awkward as Rocky and Adrian.  I just think the soundtracks to New Moon and Eclipse are fantastic

30 Days of Truth - Day 23

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I think my one big regret in life is that I didn't study abroad.  I mean, I love to travel.  I love to learn.  Why would I not have taken the opportunity to learn and travel, simultaneously?  Such a dummy. 

On another note, a big happy happy birthday to my little sister!  28 years old today.  I honestly can't believe it.  Love you, Sissy!!

Playing with our Care Bears.  Ages?  I'm gonna guess 7 and 3?

New Year's Eve.  Gangsta

My MOH and other BFF.

30 Days of Truth - Day 22

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

(source)

I wish I hadn't wasted all my money in Pittsburgh.  When it came time to getting my student loans for grad school, I took the full amount they offered.  Way over what was necessary to pay my tuition.  I used the remainder of the money to pay my rent, and then any extra money I made at my part-time job, I spent frivolously.  So when my classes were done and it was time to decide what to do after graduation, I was forced to face reality - I was broke.  I had spent and charged myself into a big hole.  A hole that was only going to get bigger once the grace period for paying back my loans was over - $31,000 bigger.  YIKES.  I had to go back home and live with my parents.  I really didn't want to do it.  I was in love with Pittsburgh and my life there.  I had made 2 amazing friends and I really wasn't ready to leave them.  But I had to do it.  Without the "income" from the loans and now having to pay back the loans, there was no way I could afford to stay.  So I moved back to Hershey and left the life I had created in Pittsburgh. 

Pittsburgh was the first time I really made a life of my own.  I went there by myself, knowing no one.  I had no friends, no family - no safety net whatsoever.  Not only did I overcome that fear of being totally on my own, but I also faced and dealt with my PTSD.  I was so proud of my life in Pittsburgh.  And I hated having to leave it.  So that's what I wish I hadn't done - wasted my money and forced myself to give up that life.

30 Days of Truth - Day 21

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Look.  Fight or not, a friend is a friend.  As far as I'm concerned, unless it's an earth-shattering, friendship-ending, "you-slept-with-my-husband" kind of fight, no fight is big enough to not be there for a friend in his/her time of need.  I can't even remember the last time I got into a big fight with a friend.  No, wait...yes, I can.  It was in college.  Even though I was so mad at her that I was pretty sure I hated her and wanted her to disappear from my life, I definitely would've been by her side had something terrible happened.  Lord knows I can hold a grudge with the best of them, but if something like that happened, even I could forgive a grudge and go be there.  That's what friendship is. 

30 Days of Truth - Day 20

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Well, let's see.  I am a girl who likes a drink now and then.  Matt and I like to try different wines and experiment with different beers.  I've become a fan of the dirty martini (preferably with blue-cheese-stuffed olives).  We even make our own wine (we brewed a special batch as our wedding favors) and Matt's recently started brewing his own beer (he's in the process of making a chocolate stout!).   I think alcohol, to a point, is perfectly acceptable.  But it's a pretty slippery slope.  And I worry about some of our friends on that slope.

Drugs?  Well, that's just something that I'm not on board with.  Sure, I smoked a little pot in my day.  I could probably count the number of times I got high on one hand.  And I never liked it.  It just made me sleepy.  I never had the desire (or the guts) to try anything stronger than that.  I had friends who got into coke, and it changed them.  I had a few friends who popped pills, and I never approved of it.  And I knew of a couple people who got into heroin.  That was scary.  But yeah, I've never really understood the draw of drugs.  It just seems like too much of a risk to me.  Too much can go wrong.  And addiction is not a place I'd ever want to try to crawl out of.

30 Days of Truth - Day 19

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I don't really have a religion, per se.  I mean, I suppose I'd be considered Lutheran, as that is the religion of my mother and the religion of the church that I do attend, on the rare occasions that I attend.  But do I really believe in the teachings of that religion?  I don't really know, to be honest.  I did not grow up going to church, like so many of my friends.  I know the basics - Jesus Christ was born on Christmas, in a manger in a stable in Bethlehem; he died on Good Friday and rose from the dead on Easter Sunday.  But, for example, when I was skimming through the reading group discussion guide for Water For Elephants and they said that Jacob's story mirrored the Bible story of Jacob...yeah, I have no idea what they're talking about.  I don't know those stories.  And, honestly, I think I turned out pretty great.  Matt and I have talked about finding a church so that we'll have somewhere to take our kids.  He thinks it's important because it'll teach them about sinning and all the stuff he grew up with in the Catholic Church.  He says when he was growing up, he didn't do bad things because he was told he'd go to Hell if he did.  I don't like that.  I disagree with those reasons.  I didn't go to church but I knew right from wrong and I knew that doing bad things came with consequences.  I want to find a church, but not to teach our kids about sinning.  I just think that church provides a sense of community and stability.  So...it's a work in progress.

As for politics, I think I'd mostly consider myself Democrat.  There are definitely issues where I lean more conservative, if not flat-out Republican.  But for the most part, I find myself falling on the liberal side of the line.  I think that the level of fighting that has been happening recently in politics is terribly upsetting.  It's fighting for the sake of fighting, not for the sake of an issue.  Republicans are opposing Democrats' ideas (and vice versa) just because they're Democrats', not because they're "bad" ideas.  It's got to stop.  This country is in a bad way, and all this fighting that's happening is not going to make things any better. 

So that's where I am.  Religion and politics.  They're sticky subjects, of course.  And I don't think anyone ever agrees 100%.  But I think if you're going to discuss it, you should be an adult about it and accept that people are going to disagree with you.  And just deal with it.

30 Days of Truth - Day 18

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Pro.  Not just because I think it's really actually the right thing, but also because none of the arguments against it make any sense to me. 

"The purpose of marriage is procreation."  Uh, so what about all those couples who don't want kids?  Or the ones who can't have kids?  They're still allowed to get married.  What's the difference?

"Marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman."  What about someone who's had a sex change?  Or hermaphrodites?  What is a "man" or a "woman?" 

"Gay marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage."  Oh, you mean more than Britney Spears, who gets married for 54 hours to a childhood friend in Las Vegas?  Or Elizabeth Taylor, who's been married, like 17 times? IMHO, that's a blatant mockery of the institution of marriage.

"It's unnatural/dirty."  Whatever.  You and your wife/husband get up to some nasty shit in your own bedrooms, admit it. 

So, yeah.  Marry on, my LGBT friends.  I hope you love it as much as I do.

30 Days of Truth - Day 17

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

(source)

I was assigned this book in grad school.  It changed. my. life.  I read it while I was in the throes of dealing with the lingering anxiety and fear from being raped.  I had been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I was going through exposure therapy with my counselor at the University Counseling Center.  I was sad and scared and suffering.

Viktor Frankl's book taught me that I shouldn't be ashamed or hide from my feelings.  It taught me that to be afraid is ok.  And to suffer is human.  Suffering lets us know that we're alive.  And reminds us that there's something better to live for.  Because if you can suffer and look beyond that, that shows great strength. 

So that's what I did.  I started looking to the other side.  I started trying to find the good things in my life - the good memories and the good things I hoped to do with my life.

And that made all the difference.

30 Days of Truth - Day 16

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Ignorance and intolerance.  Look, I'm a social worker.  Which means that, by nature, I'm pretty tolerant of other lifestyles, cultures, beliefs, etc.  Working in a hospital, where we encounter those different things on a day-to-day basis, I believe that we should all be equally tolerant and forgiving.  We should all be able to turn the other cheek when something is different.  When something is "weird."  When something doesn't match our sense of "normal." 

Apparently, some of my colleagues don't agree.  At least once a day, I am brought to frustration, anger, and - sometimes - fury over comments of the people I work with.  Jokes about transgendered individuals.  Rude remarks about people of different cultures.  Ignorant statements about people with mental health problems (or mental health in general, really).  And then what makes me really angry, is the "sympathy" they give for people who can actually help their issues - like not following through with doctors visits or not filling prescription. 

I think that all hospital staff (even social workers, though I think you'd find that we tend to be more educated and tolerant than others) should have to go through sensitivity training.  So that I'm not forced to listen to comments like "You know, lots of people in the Philippines have sex changes.  Ooh!  Look at John!  He's trying to think, 'Did I ever date one?'"  Yeah, you guys.  That was an actual comment made by an actual person.  That conversation quickly disintegrated into "My friend said that in the Philippines, they ride around on mopeds with goats strapped on."  "Ooh, so maybe the goat is the boyfriend!"  Yup.  That's what I have to deal with.  Every day.   If people would just educate themselves on what other cultures are like and how other people live, I wouldn't hear things like "So is it a boy to a girl?  Does he still have his thing?  I don't understand how they live like that." 

Sometimes, I want to punch people.

30 Days of Truth - Day 15

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Uh, yeah, I'm gonna be kind of cliche here and say Matt.  And yes, I have tried living without him.  And yes, it was pretty freaking terrible.

So 3 1/2 years into our relationship, things were going pretty well.  We had purchased a house together, and we were starting to talk about marriage.  Everything felt solid and we were totally on the marriage track. 

Then, the Summer of Weddings hit.  In the summer of 2008, we were invited to 11 weddings.  That's right.  Eleven.  One of them was my sister's, and I was her Maid of Honor.  I put my heart and soul into helping her plan her wedding.  [Not more than a little bit because I was slightly jealous that she was getting married first]  I talked about it a lot.  And at every wedding we went to, I caught myself saying things like "I would love to do this at my wedding!" or "Ew, there is no way I'm doing that at  my wedding."  All summer.  From April through July.  Well, really through September.  But we didn't quite make it that far.

I think all the wedding pressure started getting to Matt.  Plus, he'd told me one night that he planned to propose by the end of the year, but not until after my sister's wedding (something about stolen thunder?).  Well, Callie's wedding came, rocked, and went.  And suddenly, he felt like he was on borrowed time.  At least, that's what I think. 

At some point, his brother ran into his (Matt's) ex-girlfriend at the beach.  He told her to call Matt and gave her his number.  [Yeah, don't think I didn't consider kicking his ass for that!]  I guess they started texting and he got kind of swept up in it.  Unbeknownst to me, they carried on a bit of a phone affair for about a month.  I'd noticed he was distant.  And that he was on his phone a lot more than usual.  When we were in South Carolina for a friend's wedding/vacation, he was so not with me.  He would disappear for 30-minute stretches, saying he wanted to take a walk or whatever.  Come to find out, he was on the phone with her. 

I found out two days after we got home from our trip.  His phone was going crazy one morning while he was in the shower, and well, my curiosity and my gut got the best of me.  I looked.  It was from a girl named Laura.  I started reading all of them.  My heart shattered.  I ran out the door and spent the day crying in random offices and closets at work.

Long story short, he didn't know what he wanted - me, her, single-status.  I moved out. It took about 2 months for him to realize that I was the best thing that would ever happen to him (ha!).  But those 2 months were absolutely horrible.  Food didn't taste right.  I didn't laugh as much.  I couldn't concentrate at work and my performance suffered.  The world seemed dark and dull. 

But he came back to me.  Laura had come and gone but his heart always stayed with me.  [I totally knew it!]  Slowly but surely, we rebuilt our relationship.  We reestablished the broken trust.  We re-fell in love.  I stayed in my apartment for the year lease, and when I moved back in, it was one of the happiest days ever.  3 months later, he proposed. 

Living without Matt was not cool, you guys.  I don't ever want to do it again.  And please, don't judge - I forgave him because I know that cheating is not in his heart.  It's not his nature.  And I knew that all along.  And that's why I kept on loving him.  And that's why I will always love him. 

30 Days of Truth - Day 14

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I already addressed this issue here.  I'm not gonna go through it all again.  After all, wouldn't that defeat the purpose of forgiving and moving on?

30 Days of Truth - Day 13

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Lifehouse,

Thank you for putting "Somewhere in Between" out into the world.  That song was on repeat for me for weeks, for hours at a time, during a really hard part of my life.  Even now, every time I hear the song, it takes me right back to those days, and I am, once agian, curled up in a ball in my bedroom with the lights off, trying to make sense of everything.

May 2002, I was raped.  By a friend of a friend at a party.  For days and weeks afterwards, I just could not wrap my head around the reality of the situation.  I kept second-guessing myself.  I kept telling myself it didn't happen.  "This is over my head but underneath my feet..."  That was me - I couldn't quite grasp it, but at the same time I was right on top of it, and if I wasn't careful, it would come out from under me, and I'd drop like a stone.  I was "...somewhere in between what is real...just a dream."  Everything was fuzzy.

The lyrics aren't exactly the most uplifting, but somehow they made sense to me.  They made me feel stronger.  They made me feel like there was someone out there who got me.  Someone out there who knew how I felt.  Someone out there who understood that everything was happening too quickly, and there was so much in my head, and none of it made any sense.

But this song pulled me through.  Thank you.

Love,
Erin

30 Days of Truth - Day 12

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

I've never, ever been one of the girls that gets compliments on her legs.  My legs are pretty non-descript.  No matter how much I work out, they're just legs.  Not shapely, or muscular, or statuesque.  Just legs.  They serve their purpose: holding me up and getting me from point A to point B.  And that's good enough for me.

30 Days of Truth - Day 11

*Sorry, friends, I know I'm late.  Yesterday was insanely busy at work.  2 Days of Truth today.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

My eyes.  Their color, their shape, etc.  In high school, my friends called me Kitty Kat, because they said I had cat eyes.  They're green-ish (sometimes real green, sometimes more teal green), with a thick band around the edge of the iris.  And they're expressive - one look in my eyes and you know exactly what I'm thinking or feeling.