Weighty Issues

You guys.  This is kind of weird territory for me.  I don't usually like to address weight concerns or body image issues, but....this is seriously getting tough for me.  Since the wedding (in fact, since a week or so before the wedding), I have been steadily gaining weight.  Not much, but enough that I notice when I look in the mirror, my pants are not quite fitting correctly, and I feel extra sluggish.  It's probably been a total of 6-8 pounds, but on my small frame, that feels like a lot.

I'm not sure what initially contributed to the weight gain before the wedding.  Probably stress.  I'm usually a stress-starver, but recently have noticed that I'm stress-eating.  Neither one is good, but given the direction my job is taking, stress-eating could end up really hurting me.

In the days leading up to and immediately following the wedding, it's simple: good food was everywhere and readily available.  Two days before the wedding, my parents had a small party - lots of food and booze.  Then there was rehearsal dinner.  Then the wedding day - I made sure to eat plenty throughout the day, in fear that I wouldn't get to eat at the wedding.  Big mistake.  I should've known that David would make sure that Matt and I sat and ate most if not all of our meals.  So on our weddnig day, I had an egg and cheese bagel and coffee for breakfast, then some trail mix, then 2 big pieces of stromboli for lunch.  Then our enormous wedding meal - salad, steak, potatoes, asparagus, and, of course, cake.  Oh, and more booze.  The next day, another party at my parents' house.  Two days later, we were on the honeymoon.  Open bar and pretty much all-you-can eat.  Yeah...I was not looking as good in my bikini at the end of the trip as I was on our first day or so.  I thought it was just bloat.  And the fact that I couldn't really "go" the whole time we were there.  [I know, I know...that is a whole other issue in itself!]  But once we got home and things got back to normal, it was like I had stretched my stomach and now neede dmore and more food to feel full.  Then it was the holidays.  Thanksgiving.  Christmas.  New Year's.  I think every single one of our vendors at work brought us cookies and candies.  Junk food was available all the time.  And I simply couldn't say no.

I'm trying now.  I'm making myself salads for lunch.  Eating protein bars for breakfast.  Trying to make dinners with smaller portions.  And yet, I'm not dropping weight.

Ok, what about exercise?  Well, here is another noticeable problem.  Prior to the wedding, we had only one car.  I take the train to work.  So in the morning, Matt would drop me off, I'd take the train, then walk 8 blocks from the train station and back in the afternoon.  Then I would walk home from the train station at home.  It was a mile walk.  Not a strenuous walk, but a mile.  All told, I walked 2.5 miles a day - about 45 minutes.  But in December, we bought a second car.  So now I drive myself to and from the train station.  Shave about a mile off my exercise.  That hurts.

I belong to a gym.  I haven't been there since the wedding.  I used to have to go in the mornings, so that I could use Matt's car to get me there before he got up.  Once we started talking about buying a car, I said I'd just wait until then so I could go after work, cuz I hated having to get up at 5am.  Then we bought the car.  But then I was busy cooking and cleaning for Christmas parties, shopping for Christmas gifts, wrapping Christmas gifts, eating Christmas food....lots of terrible excuses.  Then it was, "I'll start after the New Year."

Well, here we are, 3 weeks into the New Year.  Haven't been to the gym once.  I'm going tonight.  I decided that I needed a class to help get me motivated.  Our gym just put out a new schedule, and they have a Yoga class on Tuesday nights.  Not only will it help motivate me to get back into a routine, but it'll also help with the newly-added stress at work.  At least, I hope.

As I said, I'm not usually one to obsess about my weight.  But lately I have been feeling pretty low about it.  Especially after one of my coworkers told me, "Oh, I'd noticed your little baby bump since you got back from the honeymoon!"  Yeah.  After picking my jaw off the floor (and restraining myself from smacking the shit out of her), I walked back into my office and cried.  I don't like to address weight issues because I think that having a healthy body image is super important.  I worry about people who count calories and exercise cumpulsively.  I guess maybe that stems from having had 2 roommates with anorexia.  And really, for me, it's not that I'm worried about how I look.  It's more about how I feel.  Like I said, 6-8 extra pounds on my 5'3" feels like a lot of weight.  I feel sluggish and my body just feels....I don't know, out of proportion.  I just feel off, and I want that feeling to go away.

So I'm hoping that if I keep doing what I've started (and start doing more), I'll start to shed that extra weight.  I'll continue to eat better.  Drink more water.  Get back to the gym.  Use the balance ball my dad got me for Christmas.

I'll keep you posted...