Birthday Month!

Yup, I'm one of those people.  I celebrate my birthday for a month.  It's on March 31, so basically the entire month of March is one big reason to party for me.  I don't expect anyone else to acknowledge my birthday all month, it's just something I do.  "It's March, it's my birthday!"  So, for the month of March, I've decided to do 30 Days of Truth.  Adopted from Krysten at After I Do, who adopted it from another blog.  I love the list of questions and the idea of digging into your soul to answer some of these questions.  As I've mentioned before, I kind of have a thing with being reflective.  So, with no further ado, the 30 Days of Truth:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Confession: I'm kind of mean sometimes.  I say things and I don't actually mean them, I'm being completely sarcastic, but it comes off sounding so caustic that I'm quite aware that people don't realize I don't mean it.  I don't know why I do this.  I don't mean to hurt people.  And what bothers me most is that I've had this complaint about other people.  And it really used to hurt me.  My mom says my grandfather (my dad's dad) was the same way.  Always cracking jokes about people, but the way in which he said it was hurtful, no matter that he didn't really mean it.  Something about the way he (and now I) said things made it feel like he meant it and was just "playing it off" as a joke.  I mean, seriously, sometimes, I hear myself saying something, and to me it sounds like a snarl.  It's awful.  I really hate that I'm doing this to people.  I don't like to be made fun of or whatever, and I don't want to do that to anyone else.  I'm not sure why or when I started doing this, but I think it might have something to do with hanging around Matt's brothers and friends.  They are constantly picking on one another, and so I quickly learned to develop the same kind of banter.  And it's ok around them - it's how they communicate with one another (weirdly enough).  But then at some point, I started carrying it over into my every day communication with my own friends and family.  And that's not ok.  So I'm trying.  To anyone I've hurt, I'm truly sorry.  Please trust that I didn't mean it, even if it sounded like it was coming from the pit of hell in my heart.  I promise that I love you.